If that was your dad, he is hot
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
