So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
