Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
