Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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