I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
