i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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