you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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