I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
