All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
