last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
