You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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