I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
