Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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