also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
