What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
