is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
