you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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