I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
third nipple confirmed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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