Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
