Say something about gay babies.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
