Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
