I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
