YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
