We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
