just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's like heaven, but drunker
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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