She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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