I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
