I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
