I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
