Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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