i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
