So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
