My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize