i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
