being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
