what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
