i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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