they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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