how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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