Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
