You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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