i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
