I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
