remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
