And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
