At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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