Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
