You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
