WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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