Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
