Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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