k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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