yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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