guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
