he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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