i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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