All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
