He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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