Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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