just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
