A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
