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I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
