I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
