why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
