She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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