Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
