im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
