That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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