I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i drank out of a bidet.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
