my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
