dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
