I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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