Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
