The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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