I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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