she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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