I want to stick my p in your. b.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
