If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
