dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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